Day 180 – Some Things Are Certain

I don’t cross my fingers anymore
I’ve seen too much to hope for much
the rain is scarce but I’ll admit
it moves without me, resolutely–
of the things beyond control
most of them are very simple–
I could stop breathing or I could
stop counting, either way
some things are certain

Day 179 – More Than to Fix

I can feel it coming before it hits
I can see it crawling on the ceiling
It’s so normal now to swallow fear
to point at things no one else can see.
I know they’ll say to use my strategies
I know they won’t help yet–
I don’t want them to work, I want to find the words
I’m obsessed with the words to make them see
I want them to know more than to trust,
to feel more than to fix

Day 178 – Grateful

The world’s got me grateful again
I think after 32 years
I am used to the spin
and it all boils down
to one quote on my wall:
“If you love something,
say it out loud.”
A good woman will heal
her wounds first
forcing everything finished to fly
but when I put my hands up,
when enough is enough
I know exactly
what I gave my heart to

Day 177 – Opponent

You will always win
every game of chess
you play against yourself
every story you tell
will be the truth
’cause it’s just one side

I’ve got in my pocket
the other glass slipper
the alternate version
of your fairy tale–
nothing ever ends
if you never learn

I hope you don’t
stay tangled up in
the merry-go-round
of infinite boredom
the easy checkmate
against yourself

I hope you hear the tale
from the other voices
who lived it too
I hope you one day
rise to the challenge
of a worthy opponent

Day 176 – Dottie

If I get lost in the woods
if I get separated from the pack
it’s ok, Dottie, please understand
there’s no trouble in paradise
we are all finely tuned machines
I’m at ease with my levels
I never worry about yours
I ride my bike slower on purpose
I might get left behind
but I’ll catch up to you
when I’m ready

Day 175 – Cake

The more candles you put on the cake
you start to feel like you can’t eat it–
how did you ever scarf down so much
and not pay for it in the morning?
You eat smaller and smaller pieces
until you don’t eat cake anymore
for the sake of your health
and it makes you wonder
if you ever really wanted it,
when you didn’t know what you liked?
When you were too scared to be
the one who didn’t eat cake?

Day 174 – Peach Blush

Spray tan and peach blush, all I did was try
to stand firm when I believed in everything
to fake though I knew hardly anything
they left me behind reading old magazines
fixing my bra strap under my gym shirt
I had more safety than a maxi pad in winter
nobody would question my belief
it was just old photographs, they only spoke
the truth to me, pointed out my skin’s
red badges of courage, and it took so long
to snap into place, but I got one small thing right:
peach blush is my shade

Day 173 – Home

I know what I sound like
gushing over my city, my Gondor,
but you gotta see it, man.

I didn’t build anything,
I just drank it,
and five years passed
which should have been one.

My fathers didn’t die
in these hills, nobody
who built it ever dreamed
of me-

but I got so lost exploring
what strangers have made
that one day I was home.