Day 304 – Broken Toy

I guess I would seem like a block of wood
if you were wanting a lump of clay–
a frustrating, hardened thing
you couldn’t mold

I guess I would seem like a puzzle piece
when you threw the cover of the box away
an irregular shape you couldn’t pound in
a picture that didn’t make sense

But I’m not a broken toy
I’m just a game you never understood how to play
a game you couldn’t win
since there are no rules

And I’m not a block of wood
I’m soft as play-doh in a gentle hand
I’m a kaleidoscope–
look in and you will see

Day 303 – Ferris Wheel

I could stare at that Ferris Wheel for hours
like some kind of symbol, some kind of weight
pulling or holding me down, I can’t tell which

I stare it down in an endless challenge,
a conversation within myself, with the world
standing in the same spot I’ve always stood

All the memories, all the photos, all the
bathroom breaks and arguments and how many times
I’ve stood alone when I wasn’t alone, just like this

It dares me to give it any meaning, dares me to
think that one object could hold the past
to believe that after all this it could hold any more

but it lives in me, I’m the only place where it grows
I’m the one who decides if it dies, and the Ferris Wheel
will be here when I do

Day 302 – The Lyrics

It’s not about the right words, really
it’s about having any at all lately
my words are barely born and so brand new
I don’t yet know where they’re flying to
or who they’ll find or if they’re the truth
they’re better off in the shadows
they’re better off playing dead
it’s about the music now
not so much the lyrics anymore

Day 301 – Hold Your Ground

I write to someone stronger
the words I need to hear
one stranger to another
silent but sincere

girl, I know the struggle
it’s got me hurting, too
I almost took up your sword
in a battle that’s already through

but hold your ground
don’t run away
Rome wasn’t finished in a day
heed warnings
shut your eyes and hear
the truth of quiet times

hold your ground
don’t turn away
Pompeii, too, was destroyed in a day
but you are gonna make it back
to your metropolis someday

Day 300 – A Finished Thing

I shouldn’t have gotten to leave
all those stains in the carpet
all those holes in the walls
all those boxes you said
you would take to Goodwill for me

I know we just wanted it done
but that was my home
that was my junkyard too
and you let me off so easy
like you always did, so I never learned

how to scrub out the stains
in the carpet, the bathtub
how to patch up the holes in the wall
how to leave a finished thing
better than I found it

Day 299 – Prescription

It could be like orange juice in a toothpaste mouth
paying for the teeth someone’s ripping out
I could keep rubbing love in my gums
to get a fix until they’re sore and raw

‘cuz i’ve got a hell of an addict’s habit
desperate for love when I gotta have it
I cannot stand in my own two shoes
always trying to borrow yours

It could be like guitar strings on a rainy day
as easy as reading the day away
little daisies could grow in a wounded patch
if I didn’t keep pulling them up

‘cuz I’ve got a little red cloak of a habit
to take my own advice would be anticlimactic
still desperate for love even when I have it
when I wrote the prescription myself

Day 298 – Lessons

If I never learned, it’s alright
I was protected from the world
too many times, I welcome
painful lessons, people teach you
who they are by knife-point
who they are by too much wine
and I learn fast, the things
everybody always said

Day 297 – Myself

For better or worse
I am stuck with me
the things I try to believe
the things I never see
and the least I can do
is continue to choose
myself

I am beaten down
but I can choose
myself

Day 296 – Sifting

when midnight struck my body
turned to sand, fell to the ground
i’m through a strainer now
a little every day to find what’s left

she sits with me, we’re sorting through
the formless pile that I’ve become
we pick up trinkets and decide
what each one means and where it’s from

some things were never mine but I
absorbed them just the same and now they’re
sitting in a box, I’m too afraid to toss them out
I’m too afraid to let them stay

but some of those things were always mine–
those things I’m gonna keep, put back
the diamonds that were lodged inside my heart

Day 295 – Tell

Right now you can’t tell me nothing
but one day I’ll have to explain
though I’ve already tried
and I just cannot get it straight

You asked where I was
but I couldn’t tell you
you ask me why
I have no idea
I think I was always there
but I can’t be sure

I know it ain’t right
the precedent I set
I know, I know, I always know
what I’m doing
I always look before I leap
I always tell

But something happened
and I still don’t know what
but it was not my choice anymore
and I couldn’t tell until it was done
all I can tell you is it was done