History

I never believed in soulmates
until I got drunk at a wedding
and did what comes to us freely
despite how often we try to stop–

you were 2,500 miles away
you weren’t my man
you weren’t even my friend
but yours was the voice I wanted
most to hear

and you told me you had a secret
something you figured out
about soulmates–
you said you believe they exist
and you said that I was yours

well I thought you were crazy,
I laughed and told my old man
such a funny joke–
you were always playing,
always raving at the moon

but it didn’t leave me,
that planted seed just slept
in a crevice of my worn heart
and I should’ve remembered
your knack for watering seeds

I guess he could blame you for that
but I never will– I pushed so hard
against that truth, I didn’t want
to believe you were right
but maybe you were

so many things I know
still I never understood at all
what they meant in songs
when they sang about love
when they said it was peaceful

but maybe you were right,
whatever that means–
maybe all this time they were
talking about the way
you and I have always been

maybe getting drunk at a wedding
was the best thing I ever did
because what comes to me freely
always leads me back to you

A Shower, A Sandwich, and a Moment of Silence

Nothing is ever certain
and yet how quickly I forget it,
forsaking my body
for the gymnastics in my mind

If there are happy endings
they are written in due time
in spite of ourselves, perhaps,
despite my hungry hysterics

waste

no more money lunches
plus-one on a yacht
full of nobody good
stuffed shirts and big mouths
i never wanted any part
of the truffle oil world
it was nice i guess
for a bit of change
but i never saw any
pass to empty hands
i saw big live lobster tails
get cracked
over minimal tips
nothing meant anything
when we had enough
to waste

You Will Feel Safe Again Soon

Look back on these times when you get there
and you will, honey–
you will feel safe again soon

Remember these moments and those from
before you knew
you would feel safe someday, too

you’re used to letting go of
what’s not meant for you
but oh, what about when it is?

you’re not used to sitting with
all the things that you fear
but oh, what if this time you did?

Hold on to that hand reaching out
in the dark, don’t let go–
soon the light will break through

and you will understand
why it took so long, and then
you will feel safe again soon

Your Heart is a Language

Your heart is a language
I’ve always known how to speak–
words are our playthings
but we really talk in beats–

I know your rhythms
I’ve followed them for so long
I hear your reasons
pounding in your chest

You owe no explanations–
I trusted you first
before you were mine
and some things won’t change

There’s an art to letting go
and I’ve learned it well
you can only add,
not subtract

and I know you need to fly far
but you always come back

Wait for Me, Sisters

wait for me, sisters–
i’m coming up behind
got a fist of crushed love
i’m here to join the line

take communion with a cup of salty tears
sing hymns about our realized fears

i got nowhere left to go
will you kindly take me in
i’ll be quiet as the grave
while i’m atoning for my sins

write a letter to the past to warn myself
put it with the other lessons left unopened on the shelf

wait up for me, sisters–
i have so much more to learn
take my fist of crushed love
give me a candle to burn

Day 365 – Finished!

I wrote a lot of poems for this day
but none of them seemed to fit–
I think it will suffice to say
it’s been wild

Thank you to everyone who read, liked, and shared feedback about my year in poetry. It’s finished! I started this journey on the advice of my therapist who encouraged me to start writing again when I felt like I didn’t have it in me anymore. A year of learning and growing has taught me that I do have it and always will. It’s time now to take a break and focus on other creative projects but I’m certain I’ll be back. I can never keep away.

Until next time!

Day 364 – From Start to Finish

From start to finish
I’ve come alive
and it’s worth all the times
I had to die

From start to finish
I wrote the book
each page was worth
all the hits I took

But we know that wasn’t the true start
and we know it’ll never be finished

I’m hanging my boots by the fire
putting my heart back in its box for a while

Letting silence do its job once more

Day 363 – How the World Forgets

How the world forgets
and will keep on forgetting–
we know ourselves so well.
How it seems as a whole
we never learn but
looking in close I think
someone out there could see
how many of us
are really trying, still
to remember.

Day 362 – Her

She lives in me–
her voice, her choices
all her tendencies I soaked in
all her mistakes I don’t want to make
I see her face in the mirror
I see her handwriting
coming out of my hands
I hear her barking laugh
coming out of me
and I see her pushing
out of fear–
she taught me that, too
I do it well and
running away seems to be
the thing I thought would fix it
but how could I get away
from her mind in mine?
I am difficult like my mother
but
I will not stay that way
I do remember
I do see, at least,
the difference.