Day 147 – Free

The world does not care
about you.

No one is watching you fall on your face,
nobody notices you climbing back up.

I think,
by your sadness,
you know this. But

why would you let that hold you back

when it could set you free?

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Day 146 – The Moment It Happens

It shouldn’t ever be a surprise but it always is-
the slow, unnoticed grind then a sudden click-
the fire turns blue and the soul has gone awry,
begins a new beginning, spiraling towards a bleached-out end
but hovers, hovers, lets you ask your questions,
lets you toy with its strange mechanisms until then.

But you’ve grown wary of speaking with ghosts,
any fun soured long ago, turned into fear of
unpredictable fits of twisted emotion,
approximate likeness of a familiar face
gripped in uncharacteristic throes.

It shouldn’t ever be a surprise- red eyes you swore
you’d never again meet, never raise your eyes willingly
to stare into a stranger, never be lulled by a plagiarized voice
who sounds the same but speaks offbeat.

But it is a surprise, the moment it happens, every time
you said nothing and leaned over the edge
to play a game in the underworld. And you’re
shocked at first to realize

then you are the frightener, trapped in a haze
the same way you swore
you knew better

Day 145 – Dangerous

If your heart were a piece of crystal torn from your body
I would keep it in my pocket, tuck it under my pillow
I would horde it for myself in Gollum’s cave

If you were a star resting high in the evening sky
I would wish on you, share my hopes with you
I would love you from a safe distance

But you are standing here before me
not a star but just a man
you are still the things you’ve done
and you are loud, you are thunder
you are dangerous

Day 144 – The Dentist

The dentist opened my mouth and found
all these lies that I’d been hiding
inside my teeth like egg yolks bursting,
dripping falsehoods only whispered
now laid bare to clean tiles, white walls

He asked me do I find the pressure painful,
do I feel it throbbing in my ears at night-
I can’t eat truth or it will stain my reputation.
How can I swallow what I cannot bear to taste?

I lie because it’s easier
than finding the words to explain-
I lie and say I’m not angry
because I don’t know why I am.
I say that my honesty left me somehow
slipped away and I didn’t follow,
I didn’t try to get it back
but that’s just another tooth to pull,
another Vicodin to take

The truth is so much harder now,
a stone inside the womb, a diamond to cut
open old scars, to make each trip
with less and less air-
it takes a miracle of strength
to go back anymore

so I have lived without visiting those places
I’ve survived without eating that fruit
I’ve made a new life by filling cavities with lies
and pretending my smile is sincere

but the dentist knows, and God knows
it’s not

Day 143 – Ducklings

My ducklings have gone away today I
will not see them again they have
to grow, I have to rest that’s
how it works, that’s how it ends
but I have given
so much
of myself
now I’m not sure
how much is left
except now I know
how much room
there really is now I can
measure the space
they left and
it is bigger than I was
at the start

Day 142 – The World Loves A Beautiful Arsonist

I was born buried deep in the snow
I was born gripped tightly in chains
I learned to build raging fires
but the sting of the iron remains

The world loves a beautiful arsonist
The world loves a singer of flames
It celebrates those who can set it ablaze but
It notices nothing of chains