Day 114 – Fruitfully

I cannot apologize for my childhood,
for I wasn’t always there.
In all these hundreds of days
I’ve never gone back.

The way we learn to be
is not
the way we’d ever choose

and so

I was
a wrecked flower
from the start.

I cannot apologize for the pathways
stealthily formed
in fragile matter
or the horrors I kept in
by spreading out

I only know for sure
that

the way we try to love
is not
a thing we can control

and so,

fruitfully or not,
I tried.

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Day 56 – The Slower Death

Today I was a distinguished panelist
at a collegiate symposium
speaking about my experience
in the education profession.

I know.
I don’t believe it either.

Immediately after I had the urge
to listen to Post Malone
while drinking Red Bull
maybe buy a blunt
off of somebody in the bathroom
drive too fast and prove
I’m not a grownup,┬ánot really.

But I can’t do that, either
because I’m too old
and that shit’s just not cute.

So I’ll take the slower death
of continuing my work
with a bucketful
of Halloween candy.

Day 50 – I’m Staying in the Pool Today

I’m staying in the pool today
soaking up the last of the sun
because I know tomorrow means
the end of all my fun

I’m staying in the pool today
even after it gets dark
this may be my last chance to swim
so today I am a shark

I’m getting shriveled in the pool today
but I don’t care at all
they say that summer’s at its end
but I don’t care for fall

It’s getting pretty chilly in the pool today
my bones are frozen throughout
but I don’t care if the weekend’s done-
I’m still not getting out!

Year 2: Day 83 – Until The Battery Dies

Old toy bracelet from a carnival,
things we throw away,
flashing pale blue light
until the battery dies.

Cold glass of water in the middle of the night,
the kitchen is pulsing
with a pale blue light
until the battery dies.

Are days enough
for the trash to fill
to take the thing outside-

are children’s fears enough
to make an extra trip?

Old toy bracelet from a carnival,
glass of water left by the bed,
children outgrow their fears
soon enough.

Year 2: Day 41 – Brains Are Bullies Sometimes

Brains are bullies sometimes-
they want want want
when we’re just trying
to exist ok.

What kind of decisions
can we make
under pressure of death
anyways?

Don’t ask me, brain-
I’m just a piece of licorice
or a penguin eraser.

I’M HARMLESS, I SAY,
don’t try to get
anything concrete
out of me,

just help me play
chess for fun
because at the end of that
nobody actually dies
and nobody wins more
than a piece of licorice
or a penguin eraser

and don’t steal it
out of my lunchbox
later.