Day 114 – Fruitfully

I cannot apologize for my childhood,
for I wasn’t always there.
In all these hundreds of days
I’ve never gone back.

The way we learn to be
is not
the way we’d ever choose

and so

I was
a wrecked flower
from the start.

I cannot apologize for the pathways
stealthily formed
in fragile matter
or the horrors I kept in
by spreading out

I only know for sure

the way we try to love
is not
a thing we can control

and so,

fruitfully or not,
I tried.


Day 56 – The Slower Death

Today I was a distinguished panelist
at a collegiate symposium
speaking about my experience
in the education profession.

I know.
I don’t believe it either.

Immediately after I had the urge
to listen to Post Malone
while drinking Red Bull
maybe buy a blunt
off of somebody in the bathroom
drive too fast and prove
I’m not a grownup,┬ánot really.

But I can’t do that, either
because I’m too old
and that shit’s just not cute.

So I’ll take the slower death
of continuing my work
with a bucketful
of Halloween candy.

Day 50 – I’m Staying in the Pool Today

I’m staying in the pool today
soaking up the last of the sun
because I know tomorrow means
the end of all my fun

I’m staying in the pool today
even after it gets dark
this may be my last chance to swim
so today I am a shark

I’m getting shriveled in the pool today
but I don’t care at all
they say that summer’s at its end
but I don’t care for fall

It’s getting pretty chilly in the pool today
my bones are frozen throughout
but I don’t care if the weekend’s done-
I’m still not getting out!

Year 2: Day 83 – Until The Battery Dies

Old toy bracelet from a carnival,
things we throw away,
flashing pale blue light
until the battery dies.

Cold glass of water in the middle of the night,
the kitchen is pulsing
with a pale blue light
until the battery dies.

Are days enough
for the trash to fill
to take the thing outside-

are children’s fears enough
to make an extra trip?

Old toy bracelet from a carnival,
glass of water left by the bed,
children outgrow their fears
soon enough.

Year 2: Day 41 – Brains Are Bullies Sometimes

Brains are bullies sometimes-
they want want want
when we’re just trying
to exist ok.

What kind of decisions
can we make
under pressure of death

Don’t ask me, brain-
I’m just a piece of licorice
or a penguin eraser.

don’t try to get
anything concrete
out of me,

just help me play
chess for fun
because at the end of that
nobody actually dies
and nobody wins more
than a piece of licorice
or a penguin eraser

and don’t steal it
out of my lunchbox