Day 123 – I’m Ten

I ride in a yellow monster’s mouth
with gum under my feet
I carry books like an ant with a piece of fruit

I can write with any pencil
no matter how small a nub
I can tell you what’s a rhombus and what’s not

I understand what you mean
when you spell out D-E-N-T-I-S-T
I know when you’ve been crying and when you lie

I know what an active shooter is
but they won’t mess with me
I’m ten and I’m fierce and smart and fancy-free

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Day 117 – I’m Taking A Class

I’m taking a class
on writing;
about teaching children
to write well

The professor wants us
to get a little journal
and carry it around
to write little thoughts in

She says I have to be a writer myself
to show a child how to be one
so we’ll practice
and she’ll check it every week
to make sure I’m doing it

I just sit so quietly
during these times

I can’t get angry
like the first four classes-
I know now this is not
really meant for me

but oh the things
I sit so quietly through
because it’s just
what has to be done

Oh the well-meaning requirements
from all the bad apples
that spoiled the bunch

Breaking: Motherhood is 100% More Fulfilling Than Anything You’ll Ever Do

According to a recent survey of pretty much every Mom ever, squeezing a small human out of your nether regions is equally the most burdensome and the most rewarding thing any female can do. While the hardships of birth and child-raising are enough to guarantee pity and guilty faux-respect from bystanders for a lifetime, the enlightenment of the experience ensures that moms get to hold it over their heads for just as long.

“It’s almost as if God himself came down and blessed my uterus with my own special little angel, and while he was at it he granted me all this insight and wisdom that non-moms just can’t understand,” said one chronic procreator. “I’m pretty much a sacred vessel of┬áthe future.”

This mom-specific wisdom has been the subject of much controversy among those selfish non-moms who obviously don’t care that there will be no one around to take care of them when they’re old.

“I don’t believe becoming a mother inherently endows someone with extra knowledge or experience that couldn’t be gained elsewhere, such as in professions which work closely with other people’s children,” said one bitter old shrew, Alexa Green. “Fulfillment can be gained from caring for children regardless of biology, such as in the case of adoption, as well as numerous other childcare occupations.”

But Alexa’s just a teacher, so what the hell does she know? At age 39 with no children of her own, she’s probably bitter that no one wanted to procreate with her, or that she chose an occupation which left her too poor to support a family. Even though she states that her “childfree” life was a choice, we know all it’ll take is the right man to come along and change her mind.

As for those women who have yet to experience the sheer miracle that is motherhood, we’re assured that it’s everything anyone has ever dreamed of and more, and it’s definitely right for you, despite what you may believe. Even this CharNN reporter now understands that she was a fool to ever believe in a socially-evolved society wherein women could aspire to anything greater.

Year 2: Day 131 – Get Thee To Bed, Chicken-head

You’re not listening.
Your mother has asked you repeatedly
to put your socks back on,
to no avail.

It is inherently implied that to sleep
you must do so in the bed
and not under it,
but at this point we would
turn a blind eye
should you finally nod off
down there.

But you seem to be unable
to control the flailing of your limbs,
which I must say greatly hinders
any chance of dozing off.

I have tried to reason with you
but will soon be obliged
to apply force.
Your mother will look away
as I administer what, to you,
will surely be most offensive
but which may deter
this behavior
in future instances.

However, I am not young
as I used to be,
and crouching to pull you
from under the bed, I fear,
will put me in a most unpleasant mood,
such that I may misapply my vigor
and cause you to witness
the fury of one provoked
heretofore not unleashed
on you.

So get thee to bed,
my chicken-head
so that your father may remain
in possession of his wits
and his loving kindness, too.

Year 2: Day 110 – The Fourth Grade Class

Love is in the air for the fourth grade class,
though it’s always in the air for grown-ups,
and it’s permeating something fierce
for single teachers.

It’s permeating something fierce
for single teachers who must be
set up with firemen, lawyers,
lumberjacks, cowboys,
and football players.

Lumberjacks, cowboys, and football players,
if single, don’t get this much guff, I bet,
because love is only so simple
in the fourth grade class.

Love is only so simple in the fourth grade class
’cause it gets pretty sticky from there-
you have people with baggage and hang-ups
and teachers who insist they won’t be
set up.

Teachers who insist they won’t be set up
don’t make sense in the playground logic world
because clearly the fun of life is in love
is in the air for the fourth grade class.