Day 34 – Pillow Talk

You’ve been
working late nights
and I’ve been
punching early clocks

and we haven’t
been connected
for a while.

Last night

you thought
I was sleeping
and you
were right

but you
opened a window
and whispered

and something
sacred in me
heard it

and woke.

I can’t explain it,
but that’s us.


Breaking: Couple Gets Green Light to be Surgically Conjoined

Hun and Bae Jenkins have long stopped using their real names, opting to be known only by their pet names for each other. The pair have grown virtually inseparable over the course of their relationship, so much so that they share the same friends, hobbies, workplace, and even clothes. Now they want to take it a step further, and doctors have given them the ok.

“We want to cement our love in a lasting show of commitment,” says Hun. “We thought about getting matching tattoos or having a child, but those seemed too mundane. We want something radical.”

The couple has decided to undergo a procedure which will surgically conjoin them together, rendering each incapable of living without the other. Although this is obviously the case already, they want to make it public and permanent.

But the couple is not immune to societal pressures, says Bae.

“We asked our friends on our joint Facebook account for their opinions, but the responses we got were overwhelmingly negative. I think some of them are secretly jealous, but that’s okay. Not everyone can have a love as deep as ours.”

The decision is currently drawing fire from those who think it’s premature, however. Those who oppose include their families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, pets, childhood acquaintances, and the mailman.

“I don’t understand why they can’t just get married like normal people,” said Hun’s mother. “Isn’t that enough of a prison sentence already without being glued together?”

Well aware that they will continue to be faced with this same kind of discrimination, Hun and Bae are ignoring the negativity and moving forward with the procedure. They are certain their relationship will stand the test of time.

“We don’t need phony labels like ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ to prove how we feel about each other,” responds Hun. “We just want to make it physically impossible for us to separate.”

“We’ve been together for over 13 months already,” adds Bae. “We like the same things and we haven’t fought once. We’re pretty sure it’s gonna last,” they assured us.

We here at CharNN wish them the best, while several reconstructive surgeons and divorce attorneys have offered their services when the inevitable occurs.

Year 2: Day 164 – Last Thursday

Last Thursday I spoke all my normal concerns
once again to the air surrounding my ribs,
to the walls surrounding my bed in time,
to the styrofoam packing lodged in my throat,
and it’s always the same hot result,
blooming out of my ears:

“I think I don’t know about this love business,
I think there’s something they’re not telling us.
I think in the world of statistics it doesn’t make sense.”
I smash it between two hands
and I refuse to play.

I said to the dust,”What’s gonna happen to all of my friends
when they figure out their actual options-”
and God himself came down and said,
“Why you gotta be so negative?”

I said, “You know as well as I that hearts aren’t bags
we put our crayons in,
people aren’t safes we put our gold watches in,
but our wisdom memory is a certain amount of gigs
that revolves out the stuff we don’t need anymore
and I know that I’ve never loved.
No, sir.”

And he put his fingers on his temples
and did his best Billy Crystal and said,
“So what? So what? So what if you’re right,
if I told you that no one’s destined to love
and you can’t because you’ll never be perfect?
I made you an omelet and caterpillars,
you got strong ankles and you like some songs
and children are still gonna die no matter what you do,
but I guarantee not one will survive by your efforts
to eat pizza while having sex.”

And I said, “Whoa, calm down, I get it, jeez,
but I feel like the only one,
and it’s tough when you don’t ever see it
on the cover of a magazine,
you don’t ever see it in the corners
of your friends’ lonely eyes,
you don’t ever hear it in church
when there’s people in the front row kissing,
people onstage getting married,
people in single ladies’ youth groups
braiding their hair ’til they meet “the one.”

And he said, “You don’t have to worry about that.
You’re never gonna find it.”
And then he left.
And today I am the Queen.

Year 2: Day 114 – Hey Good Morning

Hey good morning
you’re finally up
I wanted to tell you
I hate this book
that you gave me.

I made you some bacon
so you won’t be mad
while you’re telling me
how in the world
this plot makes sense.

I won’t be convinced
but I will wrestle you
after breakfast
and cover your mouth
when you try to explain
how anyone
could like that book.

When you’re at work
I will sneak it inside
the Christmas box
and pretend I lost it
and I will come back
from the bookstore
with something better
for you to read.

And I will kiss you goodnight
and say I absolutely
couldn’t love you
if your taste in books
was any worse,
but thank goodness
you have me.

Day 169 – Hold My Hand in the Grocery Store

The very last thing I’m waitin’ for,
someone special to adore:
I want a man
to hold my hand
in the grocery store.

Together traipsing down the aisles,
fingers locked, trading smiles
hands in a vice,
comparing price
over checkered linoleum tiles.

We wouldn’t let go to push the cart-
not for one second would our hands part-
we’d each push with one
’til the shopping was done,
our love on display in Food Mart.

And should we come to a mid-aisle pole
to interrupt our grocery stroll
we’d never back down,
arms wrapping around,
all the closer to console.

When the paramedics at last arrive
they’ll find it easier to contrive
to chop down the pole
than to sever our whole
for separate we wouldn’t survive.

And then we shall have to learn to do
with completing every task by two-
a permanent pair,
a couple so rare-
to prove our devotion is true.