Breaking: Couple Gets Green Light to be Surgically Conjoined

Hun and Bae Jenkins have long stopped using their real names, opting to be known only by their pet names for each other. The pair have grown virtually inseparable over the course of their relationship, so much so that they share the same friends, hobbies, workplace, and even clothes. Now they want to take it a step further, and doctors have given them the ok.

“We want to cement our love in a lasting show of commitment,” says Hun. “We thought about getting matching tattoos or having a child, but those seemed too mundane. We want something radical.”

The couple has decided to undergo a procedure which will surgically conjoin them together, rendering each incapable of living without the other. Although this is obviously the case already, they want to make it public and permanent.

But the couple is not immune to societal pressures, says Bae.

“We asked our friends on our joint Facebook account for their opinions, but the responses we got were overwhelmingly negative. I think some of them are secretly jealous, but that’s okay. Not everyone can have a love as deep as ours.”

The decision is currently drawing fire from those who think it’s premature, however. Those who oppose include their families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, pets, childhood acquaintances, and the mailman.

“I don’t understand why they can’t just get married like normal people,” said Hun’s mother. “Isn’t that enough of a prison sentence already without being glued together?”

Well aware that they will continue to be faced with this same kind of discrimination, Hun and Bae are ignoring the negativity and moving forward with the procedure. They are certain their relationship will stand the test of time.

“We don’t need phony labels like ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ to prove how we feel about each other,” responds Hun. “We just want to make it physically impossible for us to separate.”

“We’ve been together for over 13 months already,” adds Bae. “We like the same things and we haven’t fought once. We’re pretty sure it’s gonna last,” they assured us.

We here at CharNN wish them the best, while several reconstructive surgeons and divorce attorneys have offered their services when the inevitable occurs.

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Day 63 – Divorce Papers

Would I waste my time asking
for my pen back,
would I bother critiquing
your penmanship?
Could anything dampen this high,
could you set me back any farther,
for the rest of eternity now?

I know your bitter heart
begs me to pick a fight,
but you can win it all,
I’d let you have it.

And you can slink off and die
or find your peace and live,
but all memories deteriorate
just the same, and I won’t
ever wonder.

For you, my once love,
have made me happiest here,
locking the gate between us,
graffitied key, your signature,
a tear or two sealing the envelope,
at last, on our divorce papers.