Day 143 – Ducklings

My ducklings have gone away today I
will not see them again they have
to grow, I have to rest that’s
how it works, that’s how it ends
but I have given
so much
of myself
now I’m not sure
how much is left
except now I know
how much room
there really is now I can
measure the space
they left and
it is bigger than I was
at the start

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Apocalypse

At the end of the world, Pink Floyd is playing. They planned it this way, the creatures who pity us and are finally doing us the greatest kindness. It’s a lovely shade of pink, our last sky, and getting deeper into mauve so thick you could scoop it like the berry sundaes we spent our whole lives dreaming about. There are cherry-flowers bursting with fire throughout the heavens, raining the smoke of some last-ditch resistance from those who no doubt believe they have something to lose, and even that is beautiful at this moment. I think they put something in our water.

We are an anthill faced with the knowledge that the Queen is dead, and some of us appear to be really worried about that. I know that screaming through the streets is pointless. A group of us has assembled a huddle of lawn chairs, hammocks, and couches on the grassy hill outside the post office. I am sitting on one of those battery-operated Barbie cars like my sister Amy asked for every Christmas until she was 11 but never got. When she was 12 she was dead. I would’ve liked to give her the one I’ve taken custody of now but I know she would’ve wanted it for more than just a seat from which to watch the government try to blow up the moon.

I’m only assuming that’s what’s happening, of course, because they wiped out the internet and cut out all the news feeds from tv. I’m not sure why they think Full House reruns would be necessarily calming to anybody while the world is ending, but that’s all they left us to watch. I’ll find out later about their unfathomably complex algorithm which calculated the average preferences of every human and animal mind in the world and came up with a pink sky, Full House reruns, a Pink Floyd album, and bananas as the most universally perfect end-of-the-world setting. Freakin’ bananas everywhere, they just appeared in boxes all over.

Sandy doesn’t like bananas, she never has. I think of her now and wonder where the hell she thought she was going after she figured out what was happening, after she spit a panicked, “I can’t spend my last moments with you” in my face and ran off. Later I’ll find out that she tried to call her parents in Nebraska but after discovering the cell reception was gone she settled to ride out the end cuddled up with her ex-boyfriend. Later I’ll find out a lot of things.

Later me and Amy and a few of the people from the post office lawn are going to replant some of the trees that got ripped into the sky when gravity reversed. That part of it wasn’t exactly necessary but it made for an exciting finish. Sandy and her ex-boyfriend will be gone along with the government bomb-cannons, but I don’t know that right now. Right now I just know that I am an ant, and everything around me is beautiful, and I’m going to die along with everything else while Pink Floyd plays in the background.

“And everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon…”

2014 Resolutions Roundup

Hi all,

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe New Year celebration last night 🙂 I love the ideas of reflection and renewal that the new year brings, and I’ve always been big on the tradition of making resolutions, so I thought I would take this opportunity to share my progress this past year. I usually make my goals pretty subjective and malleable because y’know, life happens. I don’t like to make just one resolution because there are many different aspects of life to be taken into account. For 2014, my resolutions were:

1.) Read voraciously (Mental growth) – I made an effort to read more after several instances of being asked about the last book I read and not being able to recall when it was. Initially my goal was 15 novels, and when that was quickly surpassed, the goal doubled to 30. My end-of-year total is 52 (thanks to Goodreads for helping me keep track!) I shouldn’t have really been surprised at how easily I was able to make time for reading, but I guess that’s how it is for most things. Unless we make a conscious effort, important things can fall to the way side almost imperceptibly.

2.) Stay hydrated (Physical health) – I was in the hospital for a kidney stone in 2013, so this one was more of a “must do” than a “want to do”, but it morphed into a workout plan that I kept up with pretty well. I did the Couch-to-5k running program and became quite familiar with the gym at my complex, which is becoming more necessary for this junk-food lover as I get older. I don’t believe in weighing or measuring myself, but my doctor says I’m good and I feel great, so mission accomplished.

3.) Go back to school (Career) – I have a Bachelor’s in Elementary Ed but I wanted to explore different options for a Master’s Degree. I was accepted to a Library Sciences grad degree, but due to financial reasons, current workload, and my ever-changing mind, grad school is on hiatus for now. But as far as the goal, I consider it accomplished, as much as it could’ve been this year.

4.) Write that book (Passions/Hobbies)
5.) Finish 365 Poetry Project in September (Passions/Hobbies) – These two go hand-in-hand, and I hardly think I have to explain, but this is how Candy Pizza was born. Yep, crushed two goals into one, kaboom 😉

So, what are my goals for this year?

1.) Read through the entire Bible (Mental & Spiritual growth)
2) Stay hydrated & exercise regularly (Physical health)
3) Write another book (Passions/Hobbies)
4) Teaching re-certification and Library certification (Career)
5) Stay off Facebook for a year (Social & Mental health)

So now I’m accountable to the entire internet world to get this stuff done – check back this time next year to see if I nailed it 😉

So I’m curious, what are some of your goals? Are you generally successful with yours or do you prefer to play the year by ear? If you do set a goal this year, I wish you the best in your endeavors!

Blessings and happy reading,
Char

Day 279 – Dead End Girl

Last end of all stops,
she’s a dead end girl,
at the end of the line,
in due time

Last stop on the line,
she’s a last end girl
finish line in time
dead last

If you got other roads
better go them first,
better take every byway you can

‘Cause the dead end girl
is your very last stop
is your end of the line
for all time

Day 163 – Towards That End

For a dream of freedom,
a mountaintop,
an endless expanse of sky;

to hold in my hands
the sweat of my brow,
the fruit of my unwavering labor;

to see realized the things
to which importance was granted
by the weathering a way to my soul,

that dormant seed which,
pressurized, had to struggle up
to be known and named;

to push and find the very limit
of ability, of understanding,
of potential,
and find ever that there is still more,
ever still more to me-

what would I withhold,
what should I not relinquish?

What trifle of ease or content
would be enough
to extinguish a hope which burns,
its loss to only bring
more silence than death,

and what unrest should smother its flame?

As though it had broken me,
let it be endorsed
that I shall pass away
in absence of paltry comforts,

in pursuit of a red horizon
and everything
flung towards that end.