Day 112 – We Can Read

Our playthings aren’t much
to play with;
instead our room’s filled
with books

but we can read
and that’s all we need

we don’t have what money can buy
but we can fly

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Breaking: The Smell of Books Found to be Highly Addictive Drug

Have you recently noticed a heightened interest in literature among friends who are otherwise dumb as stumps? Do you have a son or daughter who suddenly thinks reading is cool? You may be surprised to learn that researchers have discovered a highly addictive drug contained in the scent of books.

The drug, dubiously dubbed ‘The Bookworm’ is a hallucinogenic mixture which causes those who inhale it to experience a temporary high followed by an inflated ego, nonsensical rambling, and delusions of grandeur. The most potent strains are found in works such as those by Faulkner, Nietzsche, and Tolstoy, with larger doses being found in larger volumes. The discovery of the drug, a long-held underground secret, is causing quite a stir within the nation.

“I shoulda known it was drugs in there,” says one local man. “All these hipsters runnin’ around in their tweed jackets carryin’ stacks of books, but they still don’t know shit.”

The revelation is also having major repercussions on bookstores and libraries, many of which have already been shut down as certified drug dens. Over 400 local teachers and librarians have been arrested on grounds of drug distribution.

One such librarian is Ethel Bainbridge, 63, who we contacted for comment as she was being led out into a squad car.

“It makes you wonder why no one in the government ever caught on until now, eh?” she chuckled.

With the development of this issue comes retaliation from the National Drug Association, which has vowed to crack down on this so-called “reading for pleasure.” Other drug education programs are revamping their brands, such as D.A.R.E’s reassigning of their acronym to now stand for Drug Abuse and Reading Elimination. They plan to unveil their new “Books Are For Crooks” program for elementary schools in 2016.

The ramifications of this epidemic are currently unknown, but reports indicate that it has swept into every part of the country, with the exception of a few small towns in Alabama. The following are tell-tale signs of book abuse:

– increased wearing of thick-rimmed, non-prescription glasses
– ownership of multiple library cards
– inability to resist interjecting into an intellectual debate
– sudden interest in writing, trivia, and/or watching Ted Talks

If you suspect a loved one to be a victim of book abuse, please call your local drug hotline.

Year 2: Day 114 – Hey Good Morning

Hey good morning
you’re finally up
I wanted to tell you
I hate this book
that you gave me.

I made you some bacon
so you won’t be mad
while you’re telling me
how in the world
this plot makes sense.

I won’t be convinced
but I will wrestle you
after breakfast
and cover your mouth
when you try to explain
how anyone
could like that book.

When you’re at work
I will sneak it inside
the Christmas box
and pretend I lost it
and I will come back
from the bookstore
with something better
for you to read.

And I will kiss you goodnight
and say I absolutely
couldn’t love you
if your taste in books
was any worse,
but thank goodness
you have me.

Candy Pizza Is Here!: A Video Message From The Author

Super exciting stuff happening here in Charsville; today’s the day you can finally get your hands on a copy of my new book, Candy Pizza: Poetry’s that’s Fun and Healthy 🙂

As promised, here are the links for where you can order yours!

Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/amazoncandypizza
Createspace: https://www.createspace.com/4913382
Kindle edition: http://tinyurl.com/candypizzakindle

*Note* – Amazon periodically can run specials and lower the price without notifying me. If this happens, don’t worry! I still get the same royalties off the list price no matter what, so go and get you a deal! And use those internet coupons!

And by all means, give it stars and reviews, please!