Day 114 – Fruitfully

I cannot apologize for my childhood,
for I wasn’t always there.
In all these hundreds of days
I’ve never gone back.

The way we learn to be
is not
the way we’d ever choose

and so

I was
a wrecked flower
from the start.

I cannot apologize for the pathways
stealthily formed
in fragile matter
or the horrors I kept in
by spreading out

I only know for sure
that

the way we try to love
is not
a thing we can control

and so,

fruitfully or not,
I tried.

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Day 106 – What Would It Be Like

A kiss for five minutes,
a book for an hour,
a cat for a week,
a car for a month,
a baby for a year

if we could buy things
with the finite time
we have left

would there be bargains
or coupons or sales
could you make a return

what would it be like
to give up your life
for something you want

what would it be like
to take someone’s life
for something you sell

Day 103 – Time to Be

I don’t notice the mountains anymore
though they’re right in front of me-

driving to work straight facing a miracle of nature.

I hear sounds but I don’t care
where they’re coming from,
I have time off but I don’t feel
much relaxed.

There are Christmas flowers, scarlet and white,
all dead in the window, still

and I wonder when it happened
that I stopped having time
to be.

Day 88 – She

I saw her eyes
but she could not speak-
a miracle
wasting time

they welled with things
I couldn’t understand,
maybe now,
but not back then

I needed her to sing,
needed her to validate
my guitar,
needed her to be
what I was missing
in a song

but she was silent,
holding back

and I knew soon
she would be gone

Day 84 – Where the Cattails Grow

Where will you be tomorrow
if the feeling finds you out,
discovers you’ve been on the run
for too long?

Will you be running back
to where the cattails grow,
to the falling snow,
to your quietest moments
wrapped up and
thrown into the sea?

Will you give my best
when you get there,
to the places I can’t go;

will you be there tomorrow
where the cattails grow?

Day 77 – Remember When

Remember when your friends
were not your coworkers,
when you didn’t have to play
every game on easy mode
because you don’t have the time
for all that effort?

Remember when you didn’t count calories?

Remember when your mom
sent you to bed
without supper,

remember when you didn’t have teeth?

Remember when you were dead set
on being famous,
when you weren’t scared,
when you drank Red Bull,
when you got arrested for burglary,
when you ate shrooms
and ran over a cat?

Well stop.

I’m not going to use your memories against you,
the ones you have and
the ones you don’t.

Some day you might remember this;
and it won’t matter if you do.

Day 74 – Old Technology

It was such a small
window of time
that I had
a flip phone

I can still recall
all the drama
it captured

grainy photos
and late-night texts
that took minutes
to write

I think I must
be part now
of all those old people
who remember
old technology
with fondness

I think I must
be old
if that’s the criteria