Day 114 – Fruitfully

I cannot apologize for my childhood,
for I wasn’t always there.
In all these hundreds of days
I’ve never gone back.

The way we learn to be
is not
the way we’d ever choose

and so

I was
a wrecked flower
from the start.

I cannot apologize for the pathways
stealthily formed
in fragile matter
or the horrors I kept in
by spreading out

I only know for sure
that

the way we try to love
is not
a thing we can control

and so,

fruitfully or not,
I tried.

Advertisements

Day 39 – Curtains

I’m sorry
that the sun is in your eyes
at story time

I don’t know how
to put up
curtains

I don’t know how
to get my life
together

I don’t know how
to put up
curtains

Actually I measured
then bought the things
I’m reading the instructions, kids
I’ll get there
I will do it

I don’t know how
to put up
curtains

But I will

Day 130 – Jeez, To Try

Jeez, to try when we know beneath our loves
is sleeping an intense desire
to crush.

Jeez, to try when we know that I could love you
’til I gave you up and then
I’d take you down.

Jeez, to try when we know we’re all such liars,
that our fondness only ever goes
so far.

Jeez, to try when our brokenness is written out
like a book, displayed and obvious
to all.

Jeez, to try when we know we don’t deserve it,
Jeez, to try when we know we’re all destroyers,
Jeez, to try when we know we can’t sustain it,
Jeez, to try when we know better,

Jeez, to try.