Day 147 – Free

The world does not care
about you.

No one is watching you fall on your face,
nobody notices you climbing back up.

I think,
by your sadness,
you know this. But

why would you let that hold you back

when it could set you free?

Advertisements

Day 144 – The Dentist

The dentist opened my mouth and found
all these lies that I’d been hiding
inside my teeth like egg yolks bursting,
dripping falsehoods only whispered
now laid bare to clean tiles, white walls

He asked me do I find the pressure painful,
do I feel it throbbing in my ears at night-
I can’t eat truth or it will stain my reputation.
How can I swallow what I cannot bear to taste?

I lie because it’s easier
than finding the words to explain-
I lie and say I’m not angry
because I don’t know why I am.
I say that my honesty left me somehow
slipped away and I didn’t follow,
I didn’t try to get it back
but that’s just another tooth to pull,
another Vicodin to take

The truth is so much harder now,
a stone inside the womb, a diamond to cut
open old scars, to make each trip
with less and less air-
it takes a miracle of strength
to go back anymore

so I have lived without visiting those places
I’ve survived without eating that fruit
I’ve made a new life by filling cavities with lies
and pretending my smile is sincere

but the dentist knows, and God knows
it’s not

Day 143 – Ducklings

My ducklings have gone away today I
will not see them again they have
to grow, I have to rest that’s
how it works, that’s how it ends
but I have given
so much
of myself
now I’m not sure
how much is left
except now I know
how much room
there really is now I can
measure the space
they left and
it is bigger than I was
at the start

Day 142 – The World Loves A Beautiful Arsonist

I was born buried deep in the snow
I was born gripped tightly in chains
I learned to build raging fires
but the sting of the iron remains

The world loves a beautiful arsonist
The world loves a singer of flames
It celebrates those who can set it ablaze but
It notices nothing of chains

Day 140 – Magic

I have put so much magic
in places it shouldn’t have been

I have sores all over
from picking apart the times

If I’m raw it’s because I never healed
If I tell the truth it’s not the whole thing
I ate too much magic I couldn’t afford
and now I keep secrets from you

But oh, sometimes I believe
we live in a place
where magic is as magic does-
if I ripped open all those scabs
would they pour out glitter,
if I went back to that place
would you meet me there?

Of course, of course
you wait there still
where magic should never have been
but each time I go back I see
your shadow
and the blisters rise again.

Day 139 – Grey Hours

Grey hours love me
like dead flowers
untragic reminders
of function and purpose

They are my estate,
my inevitable sickness
and cure;
they are children I bear

They sit and watch,
attached to ceilings and walls,
they whisper
or sometimes they sing
indecipherable words I
wish I could play;
try to teach me things
I wish I could learn

All I’ve learned
is that these things
do happen

There’s nothing
but to wait

Grey hours love me
like dead flowers
forgotten ’til the
next bouquet

Day 138 – Give Up

if you must give up
i must let you give up

if i’ve made you tired
then i must let you rest

there is nothing in your eyes
to keep you here

there is nothing i would do
to make you stay

you don’t remember
and i can’t forget

but i can’t bring it back to you
i cannot watch you hurt

if you must give up
then i must give up too