When I let it all go
you went with it—
it’s easier this way.
I see so many paths that fork ahead,
I see patterns with clear eyes behind,
I see the forgetting that always comes,
I see a blue sky of the mind
like I’ve always made, like a cup of tea
for myself
Took the red-eye down to Grandma
she got me full of that Cuban espresso
Dad’s going 90 all the way back north.
I sleep in fits in the front, she keeps that
conehead dog in the back, he bites most people
but I know that dog likes me. All of my
childhood pets are dead, they buried Jack
in the yard after he got sick and Penny ran
into that wild coyote. Mom got some new cat,
she gave it a name I can’t pronounce, and he’s
no Percy but I guess he’ll have to do. My brothers
speak in different tones than I remember, they
followed suit and went to college after I left—
think I was onto something early and it stuck.
They’re talking Christmas lights tomorrow at
the Roost, my teenage thinking lake, I wonder
how anywhere could hold so much water.
They don’t ask me hard questions, they’re just
happy that I’m here, remodeled the bathroom,
bought new cars, got put on meds, and lost a tooth.
I sip it slowly, the ways we all have changed, the
ways I thought I did, I ran for years, gave up
the thought of having home— but it’s still here.
You can’t lose home— we’ll still play chess
and my Dad will always win and for once I
won’t mind to lose.
Stranded outside a
Casselberry Game Stop
skinheads vaping on top of their car
ambulance lighting up Christmas
I always suspected my life
was headed back this way
I’ve been running as fast as I could
but it circles back
gotta pay those dues
just to say I’m really sorry
for making it out alive
We’ve always lived in glass houses
and our words were always little grenades
the moment any real truth slid under my door
I’d call it shots fired and start loading my gun
but I fear no words anymore
The silence is louder in one room now
when everywhere else in my house is full
there are no more stones you can throw
that I couldn’t take, that I wouldn’t welcome
you’re already in my bones
and I’m not broken
First night alone for too many years
second story in a hotel room, I watch the
rain come down on this city, I think of
hot summers and cold goodbyes
All the history I ran away from
all the hurt I still can’t face, I see the
images painted on hotel walls, I hear the
old songs, I know all the words
But I’ll be on a plane tomorrow,
heading back to the safety I built, I won’t
forget what I locked in hotel rooms, but I’ll
never take it back with me
The 365 Poetry Project 